I Have Retreated to Scale the Mountain
Don't worry bout me or where I am. I'm in my wonderland, in my wonderland.
And if you wonder where I've been
I have retreated to scale the mountain
Don't worry bout me or where I am
I'm in my wonderland, in my wonderland
- Wonderland, Kalandra
I found this song on Spotify shuffle at the beginning of the year, and I have never felt so connected to a song in so long. Far out, away from man. I find my wonderland. I fall asleep beneath the trees. Close my eyes as if to leave. The lyrics made me stop whatever I was doing, I can’t even remember what, and I listened closely. I know how that wanting for an escape feels. I feel it almost every day.
The lyrics surrounded me and gave me a sense of self - a sense that I thought I had lost in the last year. The year 2024 for me turned out to be a year of rest, retreat, and hibernation. My mind and body finally said it’s time to put yourself first for the first time in your life. And with that came an escape from the online world.
So if you wonder where I’ve been, well hello, it’s been a little while now hasn’t it? But don’t worry about me or where I am, I was hibernating in my wonderland.
I needed a break: a sharp stop and fast retreat. The pressure of writing, replying and putting myself out there was painful. I stopped enjoying my hobbies and started to find comfort in lying in bed and sleeping away the day. I became exhausted by myself and my fears and found a saving grace in counselling where my anxiety was explored, explained and challenged. Where would we be without counsellors and with people who understand and want to help?
Although all of that was going on, my sense of exploration never stopped. I had a beautiful adventure to Norway and Svalbard in winter, I watched the garden birds from my window every day, I photographed Pine Marten in the daylight, and I spent more time being with family, and friends, and finding joy in life again.
I have taken a long hibernation. A bear who has created a comfortable and safe den. Although that safety is what I crave, I find joy in writing and sharing my photography and adventures. I have even started writing short stories that I would like to share. It isn’t scary either, it is safe too. It is my wonderland.
With a brand new year, a fresher outlook, a calmer mind, and the excitement of new seasons (meaning baby birds on the horizon), I feel that my hibernation is at an end. I am the bear leaving her warm safe den, hungry for what I enjoy and being a part of a community again. And I hope you can be part of my community too.
Take care and speak soon,
Rebecca
